For the few people that read this from my other diary, you'll notice there are no links to it, or my name, anywhere on this page. For the things I am talking about here, which are private, I am going to try and keep it as anonymous as I can.

I don't mind pointing out what a jackass I am all the time in front of a ton of people, but in front of the few that may read this, I don't want to admit who I am. Does that even make sense? Fuck. It's late, I've been fiddling with templates, and code. And it's hot as hell here tonight, so I blame the heat for my delirium.

And, since nearly no one reads this, I may use this diary to brush up on my sorely lacking html skills. Bear with me. I'm learning as I go.

Jesus. Did I say how fucking hot it is?

I go to the doctor tomorrow for a check-up and monthly weigh-in. Even though I know in my mind (and can tell on my body) that I've lost, I am always afraid I am going to get on that scale and the number will be higher than the last time I was there. I know it won't, but it still happens every time.

Probably because with all of my complications post-op, for a while I was losing a lot slower than most people do, so I was never excited about being weighed, and seeing a dramatic difference from the last weigh-in like most WLS patients do. But, I also know that my circumstances are different, and I have to be happy about any result that I get. Which I am - I would NEVER have been able to lose 88 pounds in seven months before. Hell, I don't think I've lost 88 pounds in total EVER.

For a brief moment, something someone at work said totally sunk me, and I was feeling pretty shitty for a while. She was commenting on how skinny I am getting, and she said, "Wow, you've almost lost another person." And I thought about that, which is true, and then I thought how much more I have to go. I was depressed for a while that I got that heavy, that I could lose that much, and still have much more to go. But, common sense and rational thinking prevailed, and I didn't let it get to me. I am constantly reminding myself of all of the positives, in spite of the negatives I faced in my recovery.

Now, if only I could apply that thinking to other areas of my life...

GodDAMN, it's hot.