I've become pretty apathetic toward most things, and I haven't been much of a friend to some people. I'm also getting a feeling from a few people that maybe we're not friends anymore, or we're not as close as we once were - which could be a result of me feeling "blah" toward everything.

I've always been caustic, and have always been very sarcastic. Scott was here last month, and we were sitting there talking, and he said to me (like, ten times that day) "Why are you so cranky?" And I thought to myself, fuck... this me normally. If he thinks I'm cranky now, he's going to run screaming when I'm really mad.

So I kept saying, "I'm not cranky," but I don't think he was buying it. He's done it a few times on the phone, too. And I don't want to be someone who's thought of that way all the time.

I realized this morning that I have not talked to one of my friends since the beginning of APRIL. Someone that I kept in pretty regular contact with, and I just stopped. And I don't know why. It wasn't intentional, it just... slipped my mind, and that sounds pretty shitty if you ask me.

I'm not even sure how I open the lines of communication again after this long.

I like my sense of humor, and I like my sarcasm... but I don't like people that I care about not liking me anymore. I don't know if that even makes sense.

I'm not sure what the point of this entry even is ... except that I don't want to be like this anymore.